Choosing Your Gurus

Choosing Your Gurus

When I was around 14 or 15, I remember one of my teachers saying something in the prayer hall after the morning prayers. He told us that as we go through life, we will find all kinds of gurus. Some will teach us good things, some will teach us bad things; one may teach you how to pick someone's pocket, while another may teach you to return money if you find it lying on the road.

Then he said something that stayed with me: it depends on what kind of gurus you choose.

I liked that idea even at that age. Years later, I realise how true it was.

We are all being taught something all the time. We learn from parents, teachers, friends, books, colleagues, spiritual teachers, doctors, financial experts, YouTubers and even people we have never met. The interesting part is that we don't always realise how much these people and sources influence the way we think and eventually the way we live.

Looking back at my own life, I feel fortunate that I chose a few good ones.

Three have probably influenced around 80% of my thinking and the way I live today.

My Spiritual Guru

The first is spirituality.

The scriptures I follow tell me that beneath all our temporary identities, there is a deeper self — the soul. My profession, my body, my social position, my possessions and even the roles I play in my family are temporary identities. I believe the Vedas and other scriptures can guide us towards understanding that deeper part of ourselves.

But I have also realised that reading about something and experiencing it are two different things.

I have been meditating for years, and I still do. For me, meditation is not simply about collecting more spiritual knowledge from books; it is an attempt to experience the self directly. Self-realisation is something that has to be experienced, and words can only take you so far.

I cannot explain that experience very well in an article. Perhaps that is the point. Some things can be explained, while some things have to be experienced for yourself.

My Finance Guru

The second is money.

I have written before about how we are rarely taught practical financial skills in school. I learnt many of these lessons late, and I made mistakes along the way.

I spent money when I should have saved it. I didn't understand investing properly, and I didn't appreciate how compounding could work in my favour if I simply gave money enough time. But I am grateful that I eventually learnt.

Today, I am in a much stronger financial position because I understand money better. I know why I need an emergency fund, why I should invest, why I shouldn't spend every rupee I earn and why financial freedom isn't necessarily about becoming rich.

Money is a tool. Learning how to manage it properly has changed the way I look at work, spending and the future.

My Relationship Guru

The third is relationships.

I have seen a lot of relationship advice that focuses almost entirely on finding what is wrong with the other person. Someone has a problem in a relationship and immediately gets a long list of reasons why the relationship isn't working.

I think we need a different kind of guidance.

Someone should also teach us why relationships matter, why good relationships need to be genuinely nurtured and why we should sometimes make an effort to repair them instead of walking away at the first sign of difficulty. At the same time, we should also understand that not every relationship can or should be saved, especially when it becomes consistently toxic or harmful.

That balance is important to me. Don't throw away a good relationship simply because it requires work, but don't destroy your peace trying to preserve a relationship that is hurting you either.

Your Gurus Don't Have to Be People

When I say "guru", I don't necessarily mean a person sitting in front of me teaching me something.

A book can be a guru. A good article can be a guru. A reliable website, a lecture, a podcast or even someone's life experience can teach you something valuable. We live in a time when we have access to more information than any previous generation, and that can be a wonderful thing if we learn to choose our sources carefully.

But there is a danger here too.

Anyone can become a guru today.

Someone can make a few videos, gain a large following and suddenly thousands of people start accepting everything they say as truth. A person can be very confident and still be completely wrong. Popularity is not the same as wisdom, and followers are not proof of knowledge.

This is why I think we should verify what we learn rather than blindly trusting anyone.

Choose Carefully

The older I get, the more I understand what my teacher was trying to tell us that morning.

We cannot avoid being influenced by other people. The question is not whether we will have gurus; the question is which gurus we allow to influence us.

If someone is teaching you how to become bitter, angry, greedy or dishonest, perhaps you should reconsider how much time you spend listening to them. If someone helps you become calmer, wiser, financially responsible, kinder and more capable of handling life, perhaps there is something worth learning there.

I don't think we need to agree with everything a guru says either. We can listen, think, question, verify and then decide what makes sense for our own lives.

That may actually be the most important lesson.

Don't blindly follow your guru.

Learn from them, but keep your own judgement.

The 80% and the Other 20%

When I look at my own life, I can see how much these three areas have influenced me. Spirituality has helped me understand myself, learning about money has helped me become more financially responsible, and understanding relationships has helped me think differently about the people around me.

I would say these three have probably contributed around 80% of what has shaped me.

The other 20% has come from many different places. Books, articles, people I've met, experiences I've had, mistakes I've made and countless other sources have all contributed something. I am still learning, and I expect that the percentage will keep changing as life goes on.

Perhaps that's what growing older really means.

You keep discovering new teachers.

Some teach you directly. Some teach you through their mistakes. Some teach you through a book, and some teach you simply by showing you how you don't want to live.

The choice is ultimately ours.

My teacher gave me that thought when I was 14 or 15.

Decades later, I still think he was right.

We will all have gurus.

Choose yours carefully.